A Picture of What's to Come!

The other day I came across this funny article in a magazine.  I came to the conclusion that this maybe funny at the moment, but that very soon this will be our life!  I hope you get a good chuckle.

 High-Level Negotiations

by Ken Swarner

I was over at my sister’s house the other day for one of my nephew’s birthdays and just before the candles were lit, a familiar smell wafted through the room.  My sister’s youngest had left a gift, and not the kind anyone wanted to unwrap.  Both my sister and her husband looked exhaustedly at each other.

“I change the last one,” my brother-in-law stated.  “In your dreams,” my sister retorted.

The conversation went back and forth like that for a couple minutes…my neck started to hurt trying to follow it.  The room also got riper.  I think my mom finally changed my nephew.

 
I can clearly remember similar high stake negotiations and games taking place in my own home when my wife and I had babies and toddlers running around sharing similar presents.  Woman may be from Venus, and men from Mars, but neither space invader wants to change a dirty diaper.

Of course, these diaper derbies weren’t always cut and dry.  They took on several forms.  There were the standard games…

RETRACING OUR STEPS:

In this type of match, both parents attempt to prove they changed the last diaper using whatever means of persuasion they can find, to include flow charts, witnesses, and the detective game, ‘whose hands smell the most like fresh baby wipes.’

Evidence is always key to the conversation.

Husband:  No honey, I clearly remember changing the last diaper.  See, my eyes are still watery.

IT ALL STACKS UP:

Other times, it isn’t a matter of who went last, but who is left behind.  In this scenario, one spouse has spent the day away enjoying real adult conversations, uninterrupted meals, and time to daydream, while the other parent was stuck home with two in Huggies.

Husband:  I’m home dear.

Wife:  Hi honey.  Did you have a nice golf game?  By the way, you OWE me 17 diaper changes.
Husband:  Are you feeding the kids chili?

On some occasions, it’s not about keeping track of whom changed the last diaper, but rather reverting back to the old pastime.  Ye, who smelt it, must change it.  Or, in other words…

THE ‘ I DIDN’T NOTICE’ GAME:

Wife:  Honey, didn’t you notice that the baby needed changing?  I could smell it clear back in the bedroom.

Husband:  I couldn’t smell anything.
Wife:  Then why are you breathing into the couch cushion?

Or…..

I PULLED A HAMMY:

Husband:  (Plugging his nose)  Oh mercy – this diaper is going to be a doozy.  Look, the neighbors are all out on their front lawns trying to figure out what the smell is.  I sure am glad I changed the last two today – you’re up sweetheart.

Wife:  (Knocking her own head into the wall)  I need to go to the emergency room – I think I have a concussion.  Don’t worry – I’ll drive myself.

Finally, when all else fails, both spouses can join forces and tackle the issue together.

THE ESCAPE ROUTE:

Husband:  Okay, we’ll be back around 9 p.m.

Wife:  There’s food in the fridge and our number on the counter.
Babysitter;  Okay, but what’s that smell?
Husband:  (under his breath) Honey – run!

I’m glad our meetings of the minds, our high-level negotiations, our political debates and subterfuge were never covered on CSpan*